Hello!
My name is -- well, for the purposes of this blog, you can call me Q. I'm vaguely aware that there is some kind of James Bond villain named Q, but that's not where I get the name and I won't get any references to Bond flicks.
Anyhow, this is not a film blog so I won't regale you with my embarrassingly limited film repertoire or subject you to my elementary criticisms of the movies I watch. This blog was created with one purpose in mind: to try to wrap my head around the idea of open relationships or non-monogamy.
I'm only just now embarking upon what I figure will be a very interesting non-monogamous journey with plenty of turbulence and deserted islands to be marooned upon, and I suppose it might be helpful to those who are considering doing the same, or simply amusing to those who have been there and done that.
So. With that out of the way, I suppose I could offer a bit of background and explain my situation as it stands right now.
I'm a straight woman, somewhere in the age range of late twenties and early thirties (so mysterious!), and I'm divorced. My divorce was amicable, and there wasn't any infidelity involved. Aside from cheating on a boyfriend in high school, I've always been a loyal partner and a passive believer in the idea of monogamy. I say passive because until recently, I never really considered other options, because I believe our society does a bang-up job of promoting monogamy and pushing all other lifestyles to the edges until they're considered damnable at worst and taboo at best.
But then my most recent relationship ended, and I started really considering different dynamics because I felt smothered by the person I had been with for nearly a year and a half. I craved my space, my independence and, to be quite frank, some variety.
Of course, I didn't really come to the decision to try non-monogamy until I met someone who is in an open relationship. I'd love to claim that I came to the conclusion all own my own, but I, like most of us, needed some sort of outside stimulus to make a substantial change in my life.
So, fast-forward to today, the aftermath of my second date with -- oh, let's call him P. That's not the first letter of his name, but I rather like the letter P.
Anyhow, my second date with P was fantastic, and it helped establish the parameters of our potential relationship and it gave me a loose idea of his dynamic with his partner.
So far, I know this:
- He hasn't dated a lot of people outside his primary relationship
- He and his partner don't really discuss their other partners
- He can stay out late, but he is expected not to stay overnight
One thing I'm not exactly certain of is how emotions factor into this. From what I've read in my as yet quite elementary pursuit of knowledge on this subject, most people who maintain a primary relationship and don't bring others into their lives together are more concerned about emotional fidelity than physical fidelity. So, basically, you can screw around but you'd better not be growing emotionally attached to the others.
But, so far, this doesn't seem to be a purely physical relationship. For instance, our next date will be a movie. At a theater. If this was just sex, I'm not sure we'd be wasting time in public.
I suppose it will all become clearer as the relationship progresses. Until then, I am enjoying myself and I'm looking forward to chronicling my inner thoughts as I stumble along this path that's been relegated to the fringes of our culture.
Hopefully I'll be able to clear the way for myself, if not for others.
